i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
