Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
