apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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