I accidentally burped into my bong.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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