Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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