Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
