Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
