I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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