The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
