There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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