apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
