I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
