you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
