So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
