After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
