The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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