hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
