He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
