I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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