Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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