i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
