Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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