my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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