we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize