i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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