Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
