Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
