You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
