Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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