FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
