he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
