Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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