he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
