Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
