These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
