I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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