I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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