Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
