I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
