I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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