just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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