You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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