fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize