I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
