He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
