I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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