you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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