i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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