Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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