Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
