Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
as a side note pls kill me
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
