Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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