he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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