i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
