who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
