I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
