First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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