started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
