sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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