return my video game
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
