ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
