Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Randomize
