He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize