Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(813): View more from Florida

I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.

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(516): View more from New York

whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?

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(713): View more from Texas

I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?

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(714): View more from California

So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him

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(410): View more from Maryland

when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink

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(602): View more from Arizona

just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish

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(207): View more from Maine

She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...

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