Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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