I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
