Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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