That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
