If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
