WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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