i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
