We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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