dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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