You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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