She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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